Mom And Calder… 99 years to the day

Yesterday, August 16, 2023 would have been my mother’s 100th birthday. I know it may be an overused sentiment, but she was an inspiration to me.

She pushed me to be better than I was. No matter how blocked my academic success as a youth….she continually provided help and support for my improvement. Special tutoring in Algebra was well intended but not very successful.  Poor Mr. Bishop (my high school teacher) showed me the solutions to problem after problem….to little avail.  I’m sure he was as frustrated as my Mom. It literally did not compute….not to me.  It was long before the time of differentiated learning and teaching styles. Traditional methods never worked for me.  It really wasn’t until graduate school…graduate school… after serving 20 years as an educator, that I finally learned how to effectively learn. I recall Dr. Dukes, a professor at West Liberty State College, suggesting that “the best way to learn something is to teach it.” At the time, I regarded that notion as highly unlikely, but in my personal experience it was true.  In the end, I think my mother was proud of my academic achievements….but oh, what a frustrating journey.

She went to bat for me (even when I would have preferred she hadn’t.) If she sensed any disparity being lodged toward me, be it in school or elsewhere, she didn’t hesitate to step forward and express her displeasure and insistence on rectification. My mother worked in the cafeteria at my school. She made it her business to know my business. Clearly, I didn’t particularly care for that dynamic. I was often embarrassed by it. Today I take shame in that fact. Her mission was to advocate for me…unconditionally. Again, her zealous…perhaps overzealous, interactions undoubtedly helped me find my way.

She nurtured my sense of creativity (whatever that means.) I was never an athlete, although I spent many years attempting to participate.  From little league to high school wrestling, I lacked talent, desire and therefore any required work ethic. But music…that was another matter. I played the clarinet and saxophone. I wasn’t a very good musician either, but I enjoyed it.  My mother was always an encouraging force in that regard. When I developed an interest in the theatre arts as a high school senior, she was again all-in.  By the end of high school I had finally found something that I enjoyed and in which I seemed to possess a relative proficiency. It was also an area in which I understood and celebrated the challenging labors necessary for success.

Most of all though, my mother believed in me.  In her eyes, I could do no wrong. My dear sister good-naturedly resented her overt favoritism. (Although Mom was totally devoted to my sister as well.)  As an adult, perhaps my mother’s devotion might have encouraged in me a subconscious sense of infallibility.  Certainly, I was not infallible and never thought as much. But I may have confidently, albeit misguidedly, proceeded at times in certain endeavors without adequate reflection.  On the other hand, I credit my mother’s ultimate commitment to me as an important factor in any success I may have attained in my life.  Of course, my wife and daughters were also huge contributors in that regard. Dad too.

The point is, people need help in this life.  And I’ve been fortunate in having more than my share.

My mother was born 100 years ago….on August 16, 1923. My grandson, Calder, was born one year ago…on August 16, 2022… 99 years in between, to the day.

That dynamic is kind of mind blowing. Right? I’m ready to pay it forward. I’m here for you Calder!…As are your loving parents…As are so many others who care for you.  And who knows?….Maybe in some dimension, with full throated enthusiasm, so is your great grandmother….my Mom.